Way of the K

Oh, you have no idea how deadly.

Synopsis: When a lonely supernerd and his sentient robot named ‘BB’ move into the neighborhood, he befriends another local loser and Samantha (Kristy Swanson) a cute, busty teenager with an abusive alcoholic father. When Samantha and BB are killed, the boy genius brings both of them back to life using movie science. Directed by Wes Craven.

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Who knew that tai-chi didn’t suck?

Synopsis: Starring a pre-Batman Begins Christian Bale, Taye Diggs and Sean Bean, Equilibrium combines elements of The Matrix, 1984 and Farenheit 451. Set in a not-so-distant future where humanity only just barely survived a third World War, a fascist government has arisen. This regime control what it believes is the cause of war: human emotion. All citizens are required to take an emotion-dulling drug called ‘Prozium’ twice a day. Those who engage in emotion are ’sense offenders’ and are carted off for summary combustion. Emotion-inducing artifacts of the pre-WWIII world (literature, perfume, artwork, etc.) are hunted down and similarly incinerated.

Behind it all is ‘Father’ a sort of evil Doctor Phil (is that an oxymoron?) whose image is broadcast to the robotic masses.

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Synopsis: Geez, what a great little flick. First off, this movie is so circa 1982 that you’ll remember pushing your white socks down your ankles in mute horror.

This is a straightforward monster flick; there are teens, they are promiscuous, they are in a cabin in the woods, and there is skinny-dipping. This is, as any horror movie fan knows, a recipe for disaster. If you find yourself in this sort of situation, get out of it, quick.

Wait, I was saying that the movie had a twist? Right. The twist is a character named Mike, who apparently realizes he’s in a horror film. If you’ve ever watched a horror film and hypothesized about how you would react, Mike reacts that way.

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Just Say … No!!!

Synopsis: A bunch of yuppies who were friends in college are at a party one night, when one of the men at the party complains of a migraine. A few moments later, a woman grabs his hair and it all slides off.

That’s right, most of his hair slides right off his head, leaving just a few straggling hairs at the temples. He runs from the room holding his head, and everyone wonders if it was some kind of weird joke. A few minutes later the man returns, his eyes bugged out, and goes on a homocidal, superhuman rampage — pushing three women into a raging fireplace to burn to death. He then chases his friend into the forest, and his friend manages to escape. The bald maniac dies in a car crash, and his friend is blamed for the murders.

Our hero then rushes about, trying to evade the police and ‘get to the bottom’ of his friend’s weird breakdown. Other yuppies go crazy as well, and we finally discover what they all had in common. They all attended the same college at the same time, and they all used an LSD called ‘Blue Sunshine’. As it turns out ‘Blue Sunshine’ lays dormant in your system for about ten years, and then you suffer migraines, go slowly crazy, and then the alopecia sets in (yes, I looked it up). Then you kill everyone in sight, and kill yourself (homocidal maniacs are clumsy, it seems).

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